Ryker's 9th month

    Even though I haven't blogged in forever, this will be a short and sweet picture blog. Life is wonderful, just not a lot of blog worthy events going on.

About a week and a half ago, Ryker took his first step. We are pretty proud of him. For the past couple months he has been cruising around on his feet by holding onto furniture, but he finally got the gumption to keep going after he was no longer holding on to the couch.

                           This is him walking to Ryland, who is enticing him with Cheerio's.




Ryker is just getting over a bout of the weirdest virus. It has no symptoms other than an extremely high fever accompanied with temper tantrums.  I felt horrible because I had no idea he was sick. I thought he was simply going through a personality change. He ate normally, and drank as much as ever. I finally took his temp last Friday night, it registered at 103.9 and by the time we got to the ER it was peaking close to 105.0.  I retrospect, I should have known that my previously perfectly behaved child probably didn't just turn into a little crab overnight for no reason. However, stranger things have happened.

     This is him eating spaghetti in the midst of his sickness. Notice his mouthful of teeth- 8 to date and             more coming in. 

I threw a surprise party for Chris as he turned 30 on July 30th. The party happened to be planned the afternoon after we took Ryker into the ER.  It was almost impossible to drag Chris out of bed, since we both had been up for the past 3 nights, with very little sleep. Chris was also coming down with the same virus, and running a pretty high fever that morning. Not exactly the way I had pictured the day turning out. 

This was Ryker the morning of the party. It seemed like he was feeling much better, and I felt pretty comfortable leaving him with the sitter while we went to the party. She is CPR certified, and going to school for early childhood development. However, when she called and told me his fever had spiked back up to 103.9 again, I felt just horrible for leaving my sick baby without his Mom or Dad and promptly came home to snuggle him. 

This is us snuggling that night- my temp had started to get pretty high, also and we both felt about as good as we look. Not so hot. Or really hot. Both would be true. 

So, now we are all back to normal (ish) Ryker's temp still get's up to 101.8 or so at times, but for the most part he is pretty healthy. The fussiness is still there, so I am hoping that will subside once the virus's butt is kicked for good.

All in all, life is pretty amazing, and I am blessed to be living it. Tucker will be starting 2nd grade soon, and we are preparing for back to school night already. All I can say is 

"WHERE did my summer go?

 

DPT Vaccinations

     Two days ago Ryker got the DPT vaccine. I've never been one to worry about vaccines, really. Even though I am aware of their correlation with autism and some adverse side effects, I truly do believe that they do more good than harm. For every 1 child affected negatively by vaccinations, there would potentially be over 100 cases of polio and diphtheria, and many more with whooping cough if vaccines didn't exist. So I can weigh out my child's risks, and assume it is safer to go with the vaccines.
    However, as the day progressed I became more and more concerned about Ryker's behavior following these shots. Ever since he hit his 3rd month he has been a very happy baby, sleeping full nights and crying only when hungry or poopy. These past two days he has spent the majority of it screaming on the top of his lungs. I've never heard this before. It's not a cry, it's literally a scream. I first attributed it to "normal reaction" and gave him a little bit of infant Tylenol and expected it to ease his apparent discomfort. However, he progressively got worse. His body is so rigid and he arches his back and stretches all the while he's screaming. When I talk to him and try to console him he looks like he wants to smile and tries to but can't. He will only sleep for (very) short periods at a time- we're talking under 10 min. Then another unnerving thing, he was crying so hard and I was just rocking him trying to console him and his cry faded off. When I looked at him, he was sleeping but his eyes were open. It made me so uneasy, I actually closed his eye lids and then he jolted right up and started screaming all over again.l Although I am not a worrier per say, I have been just sick over my fear that he might be having some strange reaction to the shots. I must add though, physically he has no symptoms. No rashes, fever, or site inflammation. I don't want to bring him in, have them look at him and say "oh he's fine" and without any physical symptoms that's what will happen.
         I'm sure my motherly fears are getting in the way of logic and he's perfectly fine. But none the less, I can't help but worry. I don't want to even research the side effects of vaccines, because honestly I don't want to be scared out of getting these very important vaccinations. Plus, I don't want to drive myself into a tizzy, and convince myself that something is seriously wrong when I have nothing but a healthy growing baby on my hands. After all the absurdity of my pregnancy, I know all too well how you can get too immersed into the what if's when everything ends up fine.
      Anyway, Ryker is sleeping now finally (hasn't had a nap all day) so I'll just be checking him to make sure he's okay every 15 min like a crazy person.

Spring(ing) around with my son's

     So, Ryker had his 4 month check-up the other day. He weighs a whopping 18lbs5oz and stands a tall 27". (almost put the "feet" symbol there. whew! If he stood a tall twenty-seven feet, that'd be a bit unusual)  He is in the 90% for both weight and height, and his "little" feet are bigger than most year old babies. I can safely say the word "petite" will never be used to describe him.
 
   He is an excessively happy baby, very observant. My doctor was shocked at how advanced he is, but considering he looks like a 10 month old, it doesn't seem so strange. He is already so strong, I cringe at the thought of trying to change his diapers when he's around 2. It'll be like struggling with a 5 year old kicking and screaming. But. . .lets not cross that bridge just yet.
  
  At the moment he is babbling away with words that sound like "yayayaya" and "dadadada".  Every time  I look at him he gives me the biggest smiles. He has started sucking on his 3 fingers (pointer, middle, ring) and that's his "thing" He has never taken to a pacifier- actually he can't stand them. When I attempt to force on him, he looks at me like "Eww. Are you crazy?"

Here he is just sucking away on those fingers

Now he rolled over onto his belly so he can get his moves on. It never ceases to delight him. Shortly after this pic was taken, he ended up in the corner by my purse halfway under the couch. He scoots himself and can go about 2 feet in any direction, but most of the time he just spins himself around in circles and doesn't get much distance.

Just finished eating  strawberry, apple, banana baby food medley. The proof is on his snuggie.  He started solids about a month ago, and now he just can't get enough. Prior to solids, I was up every two hours ALL night long feeding him. I was actually in danger of losing my mind due to his insatiable appetite. Since we introduced solids,  he sleeps a full 10 hours nightly and is happy as a clam.                  (As am I!)

Tucker and Ryker had a fun bath together the other day. Tucker is such a loving and helpful big brother, I feel so lucky to have him around. Too bad this picture has such poor quality- darn cell phone. I have two camera's here, however I snap most shots with my phone. I need to snap out of doing that because of this very reason.

It seems like most shots of Ryker and myself are this exact pose. But considering I have to snap them all myself, it's about the best I can do. Sometimes I'll coax Tucker to take some pics, but he has very little patience for that nonsense.  Not the most flattering, but his cuteness more than makes up for that;) As you can see his huge noggin is almost as big as Mamma's.  

This picture is about 2 1/2 months old, so Ryker was just a wee little lad in those days. I had to add it, though, because I really do love it. Philip is a great uncle, and it was so nice to have him stay with us for a few weeks back in Dec/Jan. To boot, Phil and I actually survived for a total of 10 hours in the car together without any bloodshed or arguments! Well, for the most part. . .There was the part where he was driving without hands on the interstate going 80mph, and I asked (begged!) that he please use his hands because my whole life was in the backseat. He then insisted on doing it, ofcourse ( to defy me) and claimed that he had driven with his knees for "over 600 miles" once and "didn't even notice" I'm sure that all is true, but once you're a parent and you have your kids in the backseat, driving with your hands doesn't seem like a bad idea.

Oh, kids these day.

Why is doing nothing so stressfull??

    I don't know if everybody is like this, maybe it's just me. But when I sit around doing nothing, I feel intensely stressed out inside. Perhaps it's because I feel like I should be doing something. Perhaps it's a bit of A.D.D in me. Perhaps it's because I have all this time on my hands to think. And to think. And to think.
    I actually started this blog writing a comment on Nina's blog (so this is basically for you girl) Then I realized my comment was becoming laughably long verging on ridiculousness, so I decided to just blog it instead.
    We all know that sometimes our lives don't go as planned. We all have had that moment when we stop and look around and think "Wow. This is my life?" That could be a good thing for some. But for others it's a boo-hoo moment. I've had many of these moment's in my life. My 16th birthday, I was certain was going to be my last. Going through my mind at that time "I'm going to die on my birthday? This is not happening." Then at 18 years and 10 months of age"You mean I'm pregnant? This is not happening" Then at 21 "My son's father is truly psychotic, and I have to leave. This is not happening." Then again a couple years ago I had a devastating couple months when Chris and I broke up and I kept telling myself "This is not happening" But guess what? It all happened. And I survived, and have almost arrived at my 27th birthday all in one piece. (Haha. . made me think of that Charmin commercial, when the bear runs around with toilet paper stuck to his bum, saying "I come in pieces") And to boot, I am happier than I have ever been in my life. Looking back, not one (well except for my 16th birthday) of those situations would I ever change in a million years.  All those times I thought my life was ending (figuratively and literally) my life actually changed for the better. Life is never perfect, and never goes the way we want it to. It has a mind of it's own, and it goes the way it's supposed to go.


I like the positive note of Miss Virginia's most recent late night blog.  It's so easy to get swallowed in by negative emotions when things don't go our way. . .  And people saying things like "everything happens for a reason" doesn't always make everything all better.

So this is to Nina (and others who aren't in the place they want to be)
First of all, the best thing to do is EXACTLY what you're doing here- think of what is great and wonderful in our lives.

 Ten Reasons to LOVE your life

1. You are a very beautiful, YOUNG lady.
2. You don't get beat daily.
3. You aren't addicted to drugs, and don't have meth mouth.
4. You have a roof over your head.
5. You have a sister who occasionally makes you food and brings it to your room
6.You have all your bodily functions.
7.You have a degree. Even if all you get from it is self-respect, pat your back.
8. You have a big supportive family, and parents that are alive and well.
9. You have nothing tying you down to any one place, so you could work a mundane job to save a few thousand dollars, pack up and move to Calamazoo if you felt the urge.
10. You could do whatever you please, my dear. In fact, you can still be a millionaire by the time your are 40, if that's your fancy.

So grab your wonderful life by the horns and ride it.

Invisible kids

           Anybody who has ever had a child understands the unsurpassable love that you have for your child. Not much else in the world compares, and that love prevails through the good, the bad, and the ugly. It is so much easier to get hurt yourself than to watch a child get hurt. When you feel your child is hurting, this "mamma bear" instinct kicks in and you would do just about anything to make your little one feel better.
        So, a few days ago, when we were all sitting around just hanging out, Tucker says out of the blue
"Mom, you know what happened at Friday Fun Day today?" I ask him what, expecting something exciting to live up to the name. "I felt invisible" he says."Nobody wanted to play with me. Nobody even looked at me." Now, this may sound like normal childhood woes to everybody else, but to this mom it was like hearing your pet died. Honestly, even while writing this, my eyes are welling up with tears. I asked him what he ended up doing and he said "Nothing. I just sat by myself" Of course, I said all the motherly things. "Oh honey, you're not invisible. If nobody wants to play, than just find something fun to do by yourself. If you're having fun, that's all that matters"  Uncle Philip then told him the stories of his childhood at Mark Twain, when he was bullied and made fun of, and how Auntie JoAnna beat up his bully one time.
      However, picturing my little boy sitting all by himself, sad and lonely, in the midst of what was supposed to be their Friday fun reward, made me so insanely sad, I literally wept the entire night. It was verging on ridiculous, to be honest. I sat there and every five minutes, tears would start streaming down my face. About 4 hours later, Chris looked at me closely and said "Honey?!! What's wrong? Are you crying?? (obviously, being a guy, Chris had probably already forgotten the conversation hours earlier) Tucker piped up "She just sad because I felt invisible" very matter of factly. He gets it.  He knows him mom is slightly neurotic, and very protective.
        Truth of the matter is, as parents we blame ourselves. So running through my mind was, "Am I making him feel invisible??"  Since being pregnant and having Ryker, I have tried very hard to make sure that Tucker hasn't felt left out. But pregnancy and an infant is very demanding. During my pregnancy, he was lucky if I left the toilet long enough to wake him up in the morning. And now, I have a breastfeeding baby that demands a great deal of my time. Plus, with everybody around us doting on the little baby, poor Tuck has been pushed to the back burner. After all, holding a 63lb, 7 year old isn't quite as easy as snuggling a 15lb, almost 3 month old.
     Kid's are so resilient, I'm sure this has affected me more than him. I know I have many years in store of this. There are many times to come, when he will come home sad because somebody was mean to him at school. Someday, there will be a girl who will break his little heart. And along with every little heartbreak he experiences, mine will break right there with his.  I can't protect him from all the hurt in the world, but  what I can do is make sure that he never feels invisible here.

Ryker's Pictorial Debut

A (Thurs) Day In The Life of Ryker. . .

This morning I was able to get a lot done while Ryker napped. . . I couldn't resist snapping a shot.

He's so cute! Is it everybody that just thinks their baby is the cutest thing that ever existed? The whole "other babies are cute but he's cuter" mindset. Most likely. I'm very guilty of that...and it was the same back when Tucker was born.

Last night, around 9pm I gave him a bath. This is an adorable towel hat Brenda Veldkamp made for him. Love it. . .so cozy The night before, I had given him a bath directly before bedtime and he slept the entire night without stirring. So I tried it again. Sure enough, he slept from 11pm-6:30am, which is a success in my book! .



He woke up in GREAT MOOD

So after he napped, I gave up my ambitions for the moment to play with him, Who could resist? He was in such a great mood! This is what being a SAHM is all about!

IF it takes me three days instead of two to get this house in perfect order, I don't mind. He is totally worth it.

All that happiness made it necessary to change his diaper and his clothes. This cute little number is compliments of Grandma Geri, I believe. Super cute. Both the outfit, and the wearer.

He was still in a pretty good mood. . .looking adorable and squishable as ever. Very active. . .as you can see by his hand blurred by the motion. Obviously my Kodak Easy Share isn't the best at capturing motion. Or maybe its me .. .

So I put him in his PlayNest. Patsy got this for him and it's pretty great. It's like a bigbrightly colored inter tube with a bottom . Lots of squishy,squeaky,crinkly toys come with it and are very stimulating. As of now Ryker is busy looking and tentatively touching. He not to engrossed with playing with toys...yet

He changes clothes as often as a 14 year old girl. I thought he might be getting cold so I threw on a cozy sweatshirt Aunt JoAnna got him . . It's chilly here today. Fargo was listed yesterday on Yahoo as the 4th coldest city in the nation. Three out of the top four were in North Dakota.

I laid him down for a nap. . .He's not very fond of the nook, but I think it gets him to sleep so I coax it on him a few times a day.

He just fell asleep in the swing, so now it is time for me to return to my other, not so fun duties.

Goodbye ;)

Kickin' it into high gear. . .

I realize I haven't blogged in an absurdly long time. I could blame it on the first 6 weeks of having an infant. . .the late nights, lack of sleep, ect. (Sheena, however, has been busting out the blogs though so not much of an excuse, huh.)  Butttt. . . it wouldn't be much of lie, I've simply been too busy snuggling with my baby to bother about ANYTHING. Until today, that is. As I sat staring into Rykers big blue eyes, curled up on the couch with him like always, I looked around my house and realized that although it is very nice to have all this bonding time with my son, I have been letting everything else go. I need to be an active mom, with a purpose in life, making the most of the moments. As Bethaney stated "I am woman, hear me roar". It's not like this lack of motivation began AFTER his birth either, this started early into pregnancy and just never went away.

 My routine (EVERY day) since his birth has been this:

Morning: Getting up at 6:30 to get Tucker up, give him a bath, feed him breakfast and have him to the bus by 7:30am. Feed Ryker (lazy breastfeeding style, with him strewn across my chest as I drift back off to sleep) We then sleep or snuggle all day, with him feeding every 45min-1hr. After several "morning" naps I look at the clock and realize to my great surprise it is almost 1:00p.m. I think to myself I should do something. So I either play tetris or read a kindle book on the touchpad while holding Ryker. Tucker gets home from school, his friends come over. Soon it supper- I feed him whatever I can whip together (pasta, cereal, toast/eggs,) Chris has been woking out of town, so cooking a big huge dinner for the two of us seems so silly. . .Then it is 7:30pm and Tucker's bedtime. Put Tucker to bed and sit with Ryker. This is usually his fussy time so I rock him from about 8-10pm and then it's bedtime. Get up a few times during the night to feed him and then it all begins again.

Notice I never really leave the "morning" slot. My whole day is a morning. And notice how my daily agenda doesn't include "cleaning" or  "laundry"   (whoa those quotes are messed up, the first one is curving the wrong way. . .but there's not another quotation key on the keyboard. . .huh) Of course, I do clean and cook as needed, but. .  .a lot more could be done.

Anyway, this cycle has led to me feeling a sense of uselessness. I am probably the only breast-feeding lady who is actually gaining weight post-pregnancy. (ha, feels weird to call myself a "lady")I feel like life is going to pass me by and I'm going to wake up one day and say "holy moly, I'm 50? I still haven't left the couch"

So from now on my motto is "Carpe Diem!" I WILL sieze the day. And today I began. I rearranged my furniture- cleaned like I haven't cleaned in a very long time. Like the hands and knees, sorting through clutter, throwing away stuff ect. 5 loads of laundry are folded and about to be put away. By the end of the week I WILL have an IMMACULATE house. My closets WILL be gone through and everything I don't use/wear will be put away.

Next week. . .I have a perfectly good little workout gym downstairs in my apt building. Since my house will be immaculate, I will not have much to do inside so. . .I WILL strap on my Baby Bjorn, put my little guy in there, and go run on the elliptical for one hour every day. He will love it because he loves bouncing, and it will further my mission of self improvement.

Anyway, this sound like a new years resolution type of thing, but I can assure you it is not. I already feel so much better after today. I think people need to feel they accomplished something at the end of the day. As much as I love Ryker, if I had continued doing what I have been everyday I seriously think it would have led to me being a very depressive, listless, unmotivated person, not to mention obese. Nobody wants to feel like their existence is void of purpose.

I just realized that I have such control over the future of my life. I have it so good, why waste the potential? I have a wonderful boyfriend and we get along fabulously. We go months w/out an argument (rarity right there), I have 2 amazing boys and the means to do as I wish. What more could I ask for?! My only job in life is to Be Amazing at whatever I chose to do, how lucky am I?? I'm free to do whatever recreational activity I choose .. join little mom groups, volunteer, get Ryker in infant swimming classes since he loves water. . .the list goes on. I have no restrictions- money isn't an issue, time I have plenty of, ability. . .it's all there. I can't even express how I feel really. I just feel so blessed in life, I don't want to waste the potential that life has by shlumping around.
It's just like they say, A body in motion tends to stay in motion, a body at rest remains there

Disclaimer: My priority is still my baby It's not that I don't value the precious time I have spent snuggling with him. Every thing I choose to do will involve him, he will be right there.

P.S. My computer will not let me comment on any blogs. Super frustrating! Bethaney, I am so excited for you! Our kids will be like 7/8 months apart and ONE day they WILL meet!! Pretty sure you'll have a boy. . .2 boys 2 squirrels.